Labels: alec, kyle, lane, video

Lane's "car accident zombie" makeup, applied by yours truly. (Applying it was fairly easy; getting it off later was a pain in the ass.)

Labels: holiday, lane, photography

The first annual Omaha Zombie Walk (through downtown Benson).

Labels: holiday, lane, photography

Take two geeks, add a pair of high-resolution cameras and tripods, throw in some corn syrup, red food coloring and corn starch, toss in one cut-up shirt, delicately add one kitchen knife and marinate for several hours in Photoshop, and what do you get?

Labels: lane, photography

To Lane, who enters the grand teen years today. Hope it's a good one. :)

Labels: birthdays, lane

I'm babysitting all this week, much to the delight of certain almost-three-year-olds (and possibly an approaching-thirteen-year-old, even if she feigns annoyance when I set up "booby traps" on her iMac . . .). We've been "benturing" ("adventuring" in Alec-speak), worked on counting to 10, played numerous games of hide-and-seek and watched blackbirds and bunnies in the backyard (yay for alliteration). Amidst such a carnival of activity, Lane and I have discussed American pre-WWII isolationist policies, talked about installing BootCamp on her Mac and started watching the "Indiana Jones" trilogy in anticipation of the upcoming fourth movie.

The most memorable part so far came when the twins and I were watching "The Land Before Time" and Kyle was talking about a character that's some sort of purple fish. I asked her if it was a dolphin and she said "No, it's not a dolphin." I asked her if it was a shark and she said "No, it's not a shark." I asked her if it was an icthyosaurus. She looked at me in a very puzzled way and then sternly pronounced "That's not a sticky horse! That's Mo."

Labels: alec, kyle, lane, twins

Lane and I saw "Iron Man" today. Very good movie. Robert Downey Jr. was an excellent casting choice (sort of for superhero movies what Johnny Depp was for pirate movies). I highly recommend it. Not so big on casting Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury, but then again I haven't liked one of his roles in ages. Lane wants a suit of powered armor.

Last weekend when I was at Lisa's house watching the twins Lisa asked me to pull my car forward about 15 feet to allow Scott to get to the garage. She pulled the twins out of the way as I walked to my car, and almost immediately Alec became very distressed that I was "leaving" and began crying and protesting loudly. Followed immediately by my car not starting. After messing with it for a few minutes, Lisa and I finally just pushed it forward and left it, and I spent the next few hours stressing about calling a tow truck and where to take it (on a Sunday) and being without a car. When Scott offered to look at it later it started right up (grrrr). Scott thinks it was either vapor-locked or a failing fuel pump. Lisa thinks it was just a fluke. *I* think Alec has latent telekinetic powers and was so unhappy that I was "leaving" that she disabled my car with her mind . . .

Labels: alec, entertainment, lane

I had the opportunity to babysit at length last week, affording me some time to ponder the following lessons:

- The twins' vocabulary and social skills are proceeding quite nicely.
- Two-year-olds should probably not have lightsabers.
- Toddlers turn corners a lot faster than adults do.

Labels: alec, kyle, lane, me, twins

Although the frustration I experienced attempting to photograph the twins in a "professional setting" on Sunday probably doesn't bode well for my future as a photographer of any sort, I did manage to Photoshop a handful of them into something presentable to friends.

Labels: lane, photography, twins

A humble offering in penance of a lax posting schedule.

I've been finishing the exterior trim painting on my house in small snippets, weather permitting, over the last several days. All that remains is the back of the house (the gutter and downspouts and three windows), which can ride until spring at this point (the other three sides color-coordinate). I'll have pictures of the various house upgrades sooner or later.

Saturday was spent with my surrogate family, and contained such interesting highlights as the trip to the pet store so Lane could finish her research on budgies (her upcoming pet) and an hour of playing in the dark with the surplus Halloween glowsticks I bought a few weeks ago (the twins enjoyed those immensely). Of more particular note:

- Kylie's fascination with oranges led her to actually take a bite out of a whole one, a bite consisting in its entirety of the rind. Despite clearly finding the taste unpalatable, she refused to spit it out simply out of stubbornness (giving me a mischievous smile instead as she shook her head when I held my hand out under her mouth). As I was proceeding to peel and cut the orange (and bundle her into her high chair), I was vaguely aware of Alec behind me in the kitchen, but it wasn't until I heard the crunching sounds that I realized she had pushed a chair from the computer room into the kitchen to give her access to the counter, from which vantage point she had delved into the cupboard and was gorging on parmesan and garlic potato chips. My first admonition (issued while still cutting up the orange) was met with no reaction, but when she realized I was washing my hands to come get her she began frantically gorging herself on the chips. When I finally arrived on the scene and relieved her of the bag, she gave me a guilt-free giant smile and said "Nummy chips!", as though she'd "accidentally" discovered them and had no idea I was chastising her. She's going to be a handful.

- I discovered a gap in my training program when I referred to Alec as "the little MacGyver" (for her ingenuity at reaching the cupboard) and the following conversation occurred:

Lane: Who is MacGyver?
Me: Alec.
Lane: Yes, but why did you call her that?
Me: Because she figured out how to get into the cupboard.
Lane: How does that make her a MacGyver?
Me: . . .
Me: You don't know who MacGyver is?
Lane: . . .
Me: The guy who makes plastic explosives out of chewing gum and old socks?
Lane: What?
Me: Wow, that's something we're going to have to correct.

Sunday found Meghan and me at the Orpheum, enjoying the Cirque-Works Birdhouse Factory, a curious (but fantastic) blend of storytelling (without words), machinery, contortionism, acrobatics and juggling. It was an excellent turnout to an excellent show.

Labels: lane, miscellany, twins

Halloween was enjoyed in fine fashion at Lane's house this year, starting with a visit to Vala's Pumpkin Patch. There, amidst the throngs of revelers, we roasted hot dogs (and, in Lane's case, intentionally charred a handful of marshmallows), rode the ponies, took a hayrack ride, picked out pumpkins and explored the animatronic storybook displays. The twins bonded with the petting zoo animals, and Lane spent some time with the llamas. Vala's sold handfuls of food for the animals (small green pellets that may well have been Soylent Green) in vending machines (a quarter gets you a scant handful, so I'm sure they're making a profit there), although endless streams of toddlers had already dropped so many of the pellets on the ground near the pens that buying them seemed almost pointless (I kept a near-continuous pile in my hand for the twins to plunder just by mining the ground in front of me).

Halloween itself led to quite the haul at the household, with a mountainous pile of simple sugars in colorful wrappers festooning the table under Lane's watchful eye. The twins were more interested in the trick-or-treat bags themselves, although they earned their own stashes in their skeleton costumes (stashes they're not going to get to keep, but they're still in the out-of-sight, out-of-mind stage so they're not likely to notice). The highlight of the evening came near the twins' bedtime, when a straggling group of late trick-or-treaters came to the door, one in an especially scary mask. Kylie was unconcerned, but Alec took off like a shot, wailing as she ran into the kitchen, insisted on being picked up, then insisted on being put back *down* on the other side of the baby gate that separates the kitchen from the family room, then ran to the far corner of the family room (the most distant point in the house from the front door, indicating that her spatial geometry skills function perfectly well when she's terrified), pushed an end table away from the wall and cowered behind it. She refused to come out (even when I offered to hold her), until I built her a "cave" by putting a blanket over the space between the couch and a lounger. She sprinted from the corner to the cave and sat on my lap for the next fifteen minutes, whimpering. It took Lisa to coax her out, under protest.

This led to the following observation I made to Scott:
"Now we know which of your kids is going to survive the zombie apocalypse.
Lane: 'Whoa, a zombie! Cool!' *bite*
Kylie: 'Hi, zombie!' *bite*
Alec: 'Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!' *running until she's in the next county'"

(For those concerned, Alec was perfectly fine the next morning.)

Labels: holiday, lane, photography, twins

Even robbing stores.

On an unrelated note (as much as Lane would like to be a ninja), the two of us finally unlocked Mirror Mode in MarioKart. And promptly got our asses kicked in our first forays into playing the races backwards (we tied for last place after the first four races . . .). Go us.

Labels: amusement, lane

Amidst their other language acquisitions, the twins have honed the art of addressing individual people by name (although Kyle, when faced with new and unknown people, defaults to the generic "boy," as in "Hi, boy."). Interestingly enough, Alec has started using nicknames of her own design. She consistently refers to Kyle as "Gigi" (a derivation of "Jean," from "Kyle Jean"). To Lane's mixed amusement and annoyance, Alec has started calling her "Ree" (for reasons completely unknown, since that name doesn't resemble any part of Lane's real name or nicknames). I've decided to go with "Ree" as well, which would likely induce an outburst on Lane's part except I'm providing her with Doctor Who episodes, so she has to grit her teeth and be nice to me. ;)

As a cute side note, Alec sat on my lap at Lisa's dining room table for 10 minutes on Sunday while we each read our own section of the paper, one of us whistling a random song and the other humming along (I'll let you guess which one was which).

Labels: lane, twins

The tangled webs of historical wordplay entwined within the last day of the week are complex, and possibly trivial to the unconcerned masses, but suffice it to say that it is a day named, uniquely among the largely Norse-inspired week, for a Roman deity adopted from an earlier Greek deity who, among his other charming attributes, swallowed all of his children. To honor this great paragon of parenthood, we named a planet after him.

There was some sort of sporting event of note in the state today. Its existence was presaged by mumblings at work on Friday and a cacophony of red "N" sweatshirts and flags today (along with one odd woman wearing an orange shirt with similar "Husker" markings; even a heretic such as I knows the proper color for the state's quasi-religious following). I was vaguely aware of it (more so than my usual indifference) due to friends attending and the "flexible" television scheduling that "slides" shows I might otherwise watch to later time slots. Of the actual event itself I have no knowledge.

Some gas stations, in furthering efforts to attract customers to the insides of their establishments (for, despite outrage to the contrary, gas stations make very little money off gasoline itself and instead make most of their profit from marked-up consumables), have expanded their beverage fountains. One particular place on my drive home includes not only six flavors of slushies, eight flavors of coffee and a do-it-yourself-from-pre-frozen-fruit-cups smoothie bar but also a panoply of soda flavors bordering on silly. My personal favorite addition, however, has been the "old fashioned" soda fountain flavors, dispensed at the push of a button, which allow anyone to become a connoisseur of fine carbonated masterpieces; in my case, this means a cherry vanilla Dr Pepper roughly twice as "cherry vanilla"-y as the cans in my refrigerator, a concoction with clearly visible stratified layers of red and yellow filling a full third of the cup before the final mixing. This is a luxury I find wholly unnecessary and overly indulgent in the context of global poverty and conflict, and yet I continue to plunk my dollar down on the counter.

I stood in line at Wal-Mart today for most of half an hour waiting for a photo kiosk to become available. Until this point, it had not dawned on me that anyone would actually use the primitive cropping and adjusting tools built in to such machines; compared to even the simplest photo manipulation programs (let alone Photoshop) they seem clumsy. Nevertheless, two different women patiently resized, cropped and removed red eye from, between them, over 200 photos. The Zen aspect of my mind understood for the first time that the digital revolution has not distributed itself equally, and there is likely a substantial minority, perhaps even a majority, of the population forced into digital photography without a corresponding interest in (or access to) computers, and to them the kiosk fills a void that those of us on the bleeding (or even near-bleeding) edge of digital technology take for granted. It occurs to me that my mother would likely still be using a film camera, or at best using a digital camera and taking the card directly to Wal-Mart, but for my patient prodding and explaining, and I'm probably in the small minority of people who spend time adjusting the histogram channels and other quasi-arcane-sounding hoopla. On the other hand, the petulant aspect of my mind was annoyed that their imperturbable manipulations tied up the only gateways to the actual developing process, which seems something of an efficiency issue on Wal-Mart's part. I think it's possible to send photos directly to a Wal-Mart store over the Internet. I may have to explore.

In a further degradation to one of the strong influences on my formative high school years, the SciFi Channel premiered the direct-to-tv presentation of "Highlander: The Source" tonight. In keeping with a franchise of such strong potential and fan passion, the show was of course promoted so well that I wouldn't have even known it had premiered if I hadn't looked at the television schedule tonight to see if there were any CSI reruns. For those of you unaware of the schizophrenic thrashings of the Highlander mythos, suffice it to say it has produced one classic movie, one six-season television series with some very good (and some rough) moments, two movies that were officially written out of canon, a fourth passable if not great movie and now this monstrosity, which went through multiple scripts, staff and edits over two years before being released to DVD in Europe to dismal reviews, then more edits before what was at first promised to be a theater release, then a DVD release and finally a direct-to-tv movie. It sounds like a train wreck from what I've read (Mad Max-esque future anarchy and superhuman blue-skinned villains; for crying out loud), so I'm tempted just not to watch it. Ever. The show was one of the defining influences on me in high school and college (I was wearing trench coats before they became "scary" and one of my high school yearbooks had a quote from me about being immortal, not to mention the swords and the fencing . . .), so there's a degree of sadness at the franchise's failure to live up to the fan expectations.

To those of you concerned about my online scarcity and my last few "away" messages: thanks for the concern and inquiries. No worries. I'm trudging, sometimes mechanically rather than energetically, through rugged landscapes of eddying and chaotic emotions, beautiful, in their own way, as the black clouds of a particularly impressive thunderstorm evoke primal wonder and awe despite their dark hues. The signposts have long ago rusted away to useless mockeries in the shifting sand, and it may be that the path I once believed to be linear is in fact spiraling across previous forays, a frustrating experience for which I have no immediate solution. Such are the foibles of human existence. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, take comfort in the cryptic and nod along.

And finally, as a direct address to my MarioKart partner: Hey, Lane, I have this fantastic idea. Why don't we, and I'm just going out on a limb here, *not* punch other karts while we're crossing rickety bridges. You know, to keep us from falling in the water. Just a suggestion. (It's an inside joke; Lane is already laughing.)

Labels: introspection, lane, miscellany, social commentary, stress

On a Tuesday, I know.

Any sort of whining or implied discontent with my lot in life cowers in humbleness at Lisa's week, which, in one day alone, involved a brand-new-yet-broken refrigerator Sears is adamantly refusing to fix on a technicality, an auto accident with an uninsured driver and an overflowed toilet. Bad things come in threes, right?

Saturday my friend Elizabeth and I attended Film Streams, Omaha's valiant attempt at a non-profit art-style theater (showing independent and artistic films), where we saw "Lady Chatterley." The film was good, although the eventual shifting of the audience leads me to believe I was not the only observer who felt 3 hours was probably too long for a movie with a single plot line.

Sunday the twins and I explored the backyard, where Kylie delighted herself with chastising the birds for not taking their baths as she splashed in the bird bath. Later, while exposing Lane to a variety of musical samples on iTunes, we discovered that Alec has a marked preference for techno (she literally had no reaction to top 40 or Weird Al, but started bouncing in my lap and swinging her arms on both of the techno songs I played). As a foreshadow, Alec has also learned to ask "Go shopping? Pweeze?" after Lisa took her on a quick shopping trip to a bookstore.

I've begun rewatching my Sports Night DVDs as a "comfort food" of sorts the last few nights. On the surface it would seem perhaps ironic that someone with such an antipathy for organized sports in general would enjoy a show called "Sports Night," but anyone who has seen the show will agree with the show's one-time tagline "It's about sports the same way Charlie's Angels was about law enforcement."

Labels: alec, kyle, lane, miscellany, theater, twins

(Not Gallifrey, sorry Lane. Different word entirely.)

Speaking of Lane, the Girl Wonder is running for student council president (good luck!). Slogans were solicited from her closest advisors. My pick, recalled from a "Cthulhu for President" mock campaign, was "Why settle for a lesser evil?" The most popular, but least politically correct, was Scott's suggestion of "Vote for me or my dad will kill me" (accompanied with suitable guilt-invoking sad smileys). The winner was Lisa's school-friendly (and rhyming) "If you have a brain you'll vote for Lane!"

Also on the Lane front, Apple released its new iPods yesterday. While Lane already has an iPod, this release is (or will be, when she sees this) of interest to her because, while she salivated over the iPhone when it was released, saner heads prevailed (I might have had a small part in it by, um, calculating how much it would cost over the two-year contract and telling her parents . . .). Descending from the digital heavens yesterday, though, came the iPod Touch, which, in its most basic description, is an iPhone without the phone part (which, most importantly, means no monthly contract). Since Lane never cared about the phone part anyway (she just likes the touch screen and "wow" factor), I have no doubt she'll switch all of her begging energy to the Touch.

On a non-Lane note, this is just golden. I'm constantly amused by the trinkets that show up on Craig's List.

Labels: lane, miscellany

To Lane, who turns 12 today. I'm preparing to begin her training . . .

Labels: birthdays, lane

This is scarily accurate. Not just for me, but for Lane as well. Her repetoire of swear words is somewhat limited (and suitable for primetime television), but the meaning behind them is pretty clear.

Labels: amusement, lane

It's so hard to tell . . .

Labels: alec, kyle, lane, photography, twins

I'm not understanding jazz. I've given it an honest listening, really. I just don't get it. Maybe it's a sign of my deep-seated need for structure.

My office began its inexorable advance back to its old digs over the weekend (the first of three). I volunteered for shifts on all three, although I was put on "special assignment" this weekend rather than supervising the move with the other volunteers (I spent a few hours photographing all of the offices in our current building and printing them to hang in the empty offices in the destination building in hopes of avoiding the confusion the moving crew faced in reassembling the furniture this weekend). Two more weekends to go.

I was amused by the audacity of some of the movers; apparently a minimum-wage job and boxers above baggy pants are not impediments to hitting on, well, anything cute and female. I'm unfamiliar with that level of machismo; is the shotgun approach of flirting with everyone really the reason most people find more relationships than I do? Women, do you really find that flattering? I've always found such behavior irrational and uncomfortable, but then again the things *I* think potential dates would like have obviously not panned out.

Lane and I saw the latest "Harry Potter" yesterday. I thought it was okay, if not as memorable as the others (it lacked some of the visual impact, or perhaps I'm oversaturated with well-done CGI). Lane was disappointed in some of the shortcuts they took to fit it into the allotted time, a common malady among hardcore fans of books-turned-movies. She also dismisses my theory that Harry goes back in time and becomes Voldemort in the last book . . .

Labels: lane, miscellany, social commentary

This is post number 1,042, as you requested.

-Jay

Labels: lane

Lane dislikes having her picture taken, but she photographs very well. She also plays Mario Kart very well, so we may need to find a new game . . .

Labels: lane, photography

But now it's cold again. Silly winter.

Before that, however, we had a nice weekend. Except for Saturday, which rained me out of working on my yard, so I spent 5 hours at work preparing a report that's due tomorrow. There's excitement for you.

Sunday I spent babysitting. I took the twins to the local miniature-hedge-maze park (waist-high to me but perfect for them), where they contented themselves for a few hours. Then I pulled a rather sneaky April Fools Day prank on Lane. For those "Princess Bride" fans, Lisa and I have dubbed this "the sound of ultimate suffering." Someday she'll start pranking me back and then I'll probably regret this. (I swear though, Lane, if I ever come home and my iMac is encased in Jell-O, you're going to be in big trouble . . .)

Linde, for those curious, is doing well. She sent me a picture yesterday I affectionately dubbed the "Night of the Living Dead" photo. She sent me one today that's *much* better (just a faint red line on her face). :)

Labels: amusement, holiday, lane, miscellany, twins

Photos from the weekend.

Labels: lane, photography, twins

Lane has requested I post the following. All opinions and statements are Lane's and the author assumes no responsibility for them.

"The Wii is awesome!"

Labels: amusement, lane

I spent most of the weekend with Lane and the twins. Lane is adoring the new iMac (which is essentially her own tv in her bedroom, although, alas, after the move it will be in the study/library/computer room instead). I was the big hero of the weekend due to my procurement of Blue's Clues plushies; the twins ask for that show by name, or some approximation thereof missing the "L" sounds, so it seemed appropriate. They carried the plushies around both days I was there, so I'd say they were warmly accepted.

I nearly filled up my memory card with video. After editing and compressing, I narrowed it down to a select few. The "large" and "small" ones are the same video; select your size based on your bandwidth and patience. The Blue's Clues video is the grand unveiling of the plushies (and I'm even in it, *gasp*). The Happy Dance shows off Kyle's enthusiasm. Lane and the Twins is touching (although I'm sure Lane will give me the Eyes of Death(tm) the next time she sees me). The next one documents Kyle's new love affair with the orange (she'll eat two whole ones by herself if you let her). Finally, the last one showcases Kyle's new favorite phrase. Technically it's her first multi-word complete sentence, but I'm pretty sure she thinks "wherediditgo?" is all one word so I'm not sure it counts. But it's still very cute. :)

Labels: lane, photography, twins

We had enough fog last night for one-block-or-less visibility. It was very cool, in the "I can't see the stoplight; what color is it?" kind of way.

My family's Christmas presents still haven't shipped. I've been advised to have a backup plan, which I do. "Congratulations, you're all getting a second Christmas at Haley's graduation in May."

I have all of my other Christmas shopping done except for Lane (because someone bought her the book I was going to buy her . . . *grumble*). Maybe I'll get her a shirt that says "Wake me up when Spore(tm) is released." We've been having an ongoing dialogue about the proper term of reference to describe the two of us. She prefers the appellation "nerd," while I'm more inclined toward "geek." Given our respective family histories of stubbornness, it's not likely to end anytime soon.

My mom had her first non-sedated MRI last week (an accomplishment for someone with severe claustrophobia). She's had some back problems, but apparently they're going with physical therapy and over-the-counter pain medication for now.

Alec's new favorite word is "apple" (because she likes these little freeze-dried apple pieces Lisa buys). Kyle's new favorite word is "tickle," which she employs liberally when she actually tickles Alec.

Labels: lane, miscellany, twins