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Wednesday, November 30
Is That a Rifle in Your Pocket?
I finally started my Christmas shopping (one down, a bunch to go). For my brother's present, I thought maybe he'd like a wall-mounted time-keeping device that combines two of his favorite things: scantily clad women and large-caliber firearms. But I could be wrong. Maybe I'll get him a teddy bear one instead . . .
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Monday, November 28
All Hail the Birthday Girl
Best wishes for a happy 17th for my baby sister. One more year and she'll be old enough to cancel out my vote. ;) Labels: birthdays
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Saturday, November 26
Calling Generation X . . .
For those of you who grew up in roughly my temporal frame and experienced MTV's "Liquid Television" experiments in the early 90s, MTV2 is running the entire "Aeon Flux" cartoon series tonight from 1 a.m. to 7 a.m. (because the feature-length movie is coming out, even if Charlize Theron's hair isn't nearly "flippy" enough in it . . .). If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then just carry on.
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The Force Will Be With . . . Your Car
So I left my camera hooked up to my computer after downloading the frozen sprinkler pictures when I ran out this evening, and of course that would be the one time that I actually run into the vehicle that has the coveted "JEDI" personalized plate that I was grumbling was taken a few months back. It was on a Jeep in the parking lot of Barnes & Noble, and I actually stopped and laughed when I walked by it. I'm sure the people monitoring the security cameras were amused . . . I considered leaving a note saying "Nice plate!" on the windshield, but as I'm sure Cris will attest my track record with leaving things on vehicles isn't so good . . .
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Friday, November 25
Fractal Icing
There's a new gas station under construction on one of the streets I use everyday, and I've amused myself by keeping track of their day-to-day progress. About three days ago they put down the sod for the outer grass strips and set up the automatic sprinklers; this I noticed because they installed sprinklers that radiate 360 degrees instead of 180, and thus half of the water goes into the street (which encouraged me to change lanes). And then apparently they took off for the holiday weekend and left the water running, despite the fact that it dropped to about 28 degrees the night before Thanksgiving. I always love it when I see something like this (I remember my mom leaving one of those ratcheting sprinklers on overnight when it dropped below freezing when I was a kid; the fractal pattern it left on the lawn was gorgeous). This one isn't quite as stunning, but it's still pretty (with individually encapsulated blades of grass). I'm not so sure it's good on the grass itself, but I like to try to see beauty in the world around me. :)
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Thursday, November 24
Happy Thanksgiving!
< EOM >
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Wednesday, November 23
Just Wait Until Dessert
Cris: When are you leaving for your parents' for Thanksgiving? Me: I'm not this year. I have to work both Saturday and Sunday. Cris: Bummer. Other Thanksgiving plans? Me: Scott and Lisa have invited me over. I also considered staying home and blowing my mortgage payment on a couple of strippers. Cris: *lol* Well, there's one way to celebrate the holidays. Me: Yeah, it'd be great. People could say "How was your Thanksgiving?" and I could say "Great! I got four legs and four breasts." Cris: Ha! Me: "And lots of stuffing." Cris: I think we just wrote a blog post.
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Random Geekiness
Since I had my camera out to take pictures of Lane's were-llama potion anyway . . . Proof for Tim that Cthulhu does indeed reside on top of my monitor at work (along with my Lois Greenfield modern dance calendar, my atomic clock and my kind of sickly philodendron). My moiety dagger, finally displayed. As a backstory, Riven (the sequel to Myst, although it was never called "Myst 2") was released in 1997. (Riven, by the way, is fairly consistently rated the best Myst game by the fans and has been an influence on my architectural tastes - just ask Lisa about how often I say "Oh, that's really Riven-ish" when looking in catalogs . . .) Riven was the first game released by Cyan (the company that made the original Myst) after it actually had money, and in keeping with the theme of the game and the interests of the (somewhat fanatic) fan base, they also authorized a series of full-size prop replicas based on objects in the game (made by Museum Replicas Ltd.). I remember seeing them in the catalog when I was a sophomore in college, but at the time I hadn't played Myst and didn't know what they were, so I didn't really pay them much attention. When I eventually became enraptured with the Myst franchise (about 3 years later), I went back to collect some of the merchandise, all of which, of course, was out of production. Since then I've managed to pick up all of the limited posters on eBay (for substantially more than they originally cost), along with the novels, the CDs, the mousepads and the other things that non-Myst fans don't even know exist. The Museum Replicas stuff, on the other hand, is so rare that most Myst fans don't even know it exists, and those who do are incredibly possessive. Most of the stuff was far too expensive for college kids to buy ($200 for a nonfunctional replica of a primitive gun?), and I imagine the stocks largely went unsold and then were destroyed (making them so rare that I've never seen them sold on eBay in 5 years of watching). The moiety dagger, in contrast, was $20, which was far more reasonable. Despite that, either very few were purchased or those who purchased them want to buried with them, because I've seen only *one* on eBay, and that one cost me more than 3 times the original price to win (and the woman who sold it to me handwrote me a letter describing how hard it was to give it up and asking me to give it a good home). In retrospect, I wish I'd known what they were in 1997; I'd have bought a bunch of them and sold them off one at a time on eBay for twice as much. In any case, the dagger has been in my desk at work for the last two years waiting for a proper display method; I finally found a frame I liked that worked with it, and Lisa helped me with the assembly. Now I just have to decide where to display it (it's currently on my computer desk, but I might transfer it to a wall). It's still incredibly geeky, but it's also looks enough like some modern or tribal art that it fits in well with my tapestries and armillary spheres. For those curious, "moiety" is a real term in anthropology meaning "one of two equal family divisions." The Moiety in Riven were a rebel group that were warring with the bad guy of the game, who had enslaved the Moiety's people, and the moiety dagger was their symbol. Since then it's become attached, to the fans, at least, to the Myst games as a general symbol for "Myst." To the point where we're willing to pay exorbitant amounts for an officially licensed chunk of iron . . .
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Tuesday, November 22
Curse of the Were-Llama
Incontrovertible (if somewhat geeky) proof that I am an awesome uncle: Since Lane and I had plans to see the new Harry Potter film, and since Lane and I had previously joked (while talking about vampires and werewolves) about the concept of a "were-llama" (Lane likes llamas; not quite as much as cheetahs, but right up there), I decided to make her a gift to prepare her for the film. Step 1. Take an empty rice vinegar bottle of an appropriate shape, scrape off the labels, wash it and spray paint the cap and neck with copper spray paint. Then fill it with blackberry soda and some food coloring to make a nice potion bottle. Step 2. Spend an hour goofing in Photoshop with a parchment background, some images from Yahoo, a couple of nifty fonts and some general made up arcane symbology to create a suitable scroll to go with the potion. Print it out, then take a fireplace lighter and burn the edges. Write Lane a mysterious note to go with it. Assemble all three components in a box. Step 3. Give said box to Lane. Wait for her response. As for the final disposition of the potion, well, there was some pouring, and some hesitation, but mum's the word on whether it was actually consumed . . .
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Sunday, November 20
Harry Potter and the Popcorn Bucket of Rudeness
Lane and I stood in line for almost 2 hours tonight for opening-weekend seats to the new Harry Potter movie. We both agreed that it was very good (and Lane was very impressed with the dragons). We also both agreed that rudeness is a very unfortunate social contagion. First there was the woman who stood in line just in front of us for the entire 2 hours, then made a cell phone call about 15 minutes before they opened the theater and apparently "gave the code word" that summoned 5 more people to show up and cut into the line in front of us (if you want good seats, people, you should be willing to stand in line like the rest of us; if not, wait a weekend or two). Then there was the group of people who moved into the row of seats we were occupying (we got good seats, by the way) and "reserved" half the row for people who showed up later. See my previous admonition. Then there was the birthday party of 11-year-old boys who apparently felt that "birthday" equals "freedom to throw popcorn at the rest of the audience." I could have mentioned it to the adult couple overseeing them, but the wife was busy taking phone calls (she answered not one but two phone calls, and talked, *during* the movie). The 11-year-olds I can understand (maybe not overlook, but understand). All the rest of it, however, came from adults. Shame, people. It was capped by the man at Wal-Mart (where I stopped for groceries on the way home) who came back to the checkout lane to ask for his receipt, then became very irate and called a manager over when the girl behind the counter said she clearly remembered giving him the receipt. After about 5 minutes of arguing, defensiveness and a poor attempt at conflict management, the man "discovered" the receipt in his pocket. His response? "Oh, I'm sorry for the trouble, my fault. Thanks." Right? Hah! Try "oh, nevermind" and a storm off followed by him complaining about the checkout girl's attitude to the Wal-Mart greeter at the door. Ah, well, tomorrow is another day and everyone I meet will be happy. :) I'm going with that mantra.
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Friday, November 18
Begone, Vile Frost Demon!
The insidious curse that rested heavily over the landscape, muffling all in its algid and glacial grip, has been vanquished to the arctic netherworld by a day of tepid sunshine, leaving the world in a state of sullen, sodden grey soup. For the time being. I expect it to again make a play for dominance, but for now it's sulking. In the meantime I have to rake wet leaves. Blech.
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Wednesday, November 16
I Wonder What "CBR" Stands For, Pt. II
I put my brother's motorcycle up on eBay tonight, if you're interested in bidding. I'm sure Jeff would be thrilled. ;)
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Head in the Sand
Drug maker Merck has scheduled its petition for marketing approval for a new vaccine called Gardasil that prevents cervical cancer (the second-leading fatal cancer in women, killing 4,000 women a year), which has tested out at 100% effectiveness in clinical trials. No more cervical cancer. Good news, right? Apparently not to everyone. Several abstinence-only groups have spoken out against the vaccine. Why? Because it's most effective when administered before a woman becomes sexually active, and that, oh my, becomes a permission slip for having sex before marriage. Leslie Unruh of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse summed it up best: "I personally object to vaccinating children against a disease that is 100 percent preventable with proper sexual behavior." Other abstinence-only advocates have admitted that this is a setback for them because much of their program focuses on using fear (particularly of STDs) to encourage abstinence, and HPV (the virus the vaccine targets) has been one of their favorite culprits (since it can be transferred from skin-to-skin contact, unlike most others). Anyone who knows my politics won't be surprised that I don't agree with abstinence-only groups (not with individuals who choose abstinence, mind you), and I think this highlights a serious flaw in their methodology: the reasons they give for abstaining are not the reasons in which they *personally* believe. Since they can't come out (in public schools, anyway) and say "I have moral or religious objections to you having sex before marriage," they've been forced to resort to secondary reasons (and they'll openly admit that fear is their most useful tool). This now presents them with an ethical dilemma; part of their scare tactic is that STDs are harmful to your health, but now they have to oppose a vaccine that will improve the long-term health of women (and save thousands of lives) in order to maintain their core message, because the message itself can't change (since it's not truly based on fear). Which creates a very unflattering caricature of groups that care more about their message than the health and lives of the people they claim they're trying to help. It raises the question, what would they do if a vaccine for the AIDS virus was found? Would they oppose using it? If we found cures for *all* STDs, would they argue that we shouldn't use them just because the lack of a threat weakens their position?
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Tuesday, November 15
And the Saga Continues
Sony's ocular contusions worsened today when it was discovered that the program Sony made available to remove their hidden spyware program can actually make the problem worse. Wow, bad week for you guys . . .
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Winter Is Overrated
Oh, look, it's snowing. Bleh. I propose we modify the earth's tilt enough that we have 5 months of spring, 5 months of autumn and 1 month each of summer and winter. All in favor say "aye" (not you, Mull; this will likely screw up your climate, so people in the Southern Hemisphere are barred from voting).
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Sunday, November 13
The Spin-Doctors That Are Sony
So I was looking at the page Sony put up to answer questions about their copy-protected CDs, and this jumped out at me: Sony BMG wants music to be easily transferable to any device that supports secure music. Currently, music from our protected CDs may be transferred to hundreds of such devices, as both Microsoft and Sony have assisted to make the user experience on our discs as seamless as possible with their secure formats.
Unfortunately, in order to directly and smoothly rip content into iTunes it requires the assistance of Apple. To date, Apple has not been willing to cooperate with our protection vendors to make ripping to iTunes and to the iPod a simple experience. If you believe that you should be able to easily move tracks from your protected CD to your iPod then we encourage you to use the following link to contact Apple directly and tell them so. So on top of the fact that you're installing secret, poorly written spyware in order to play the CD, the fact that you don't allow your songs to be ripped to MP3 or played on an iPod is Apple's fault . . . Oh, yeah, and "hundreds of such devices" is kind of irrelevant when the iPod makes up between 75% and 90% (depending on the source) of the portable media market. Remind me again why I want to buy your CDs?
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Friday, November 11
And I Thought *Apple* Was Out of Line
I posted almost two years ago about the initial complaints I had with iTunes (the proprietary format and the inability to cancel the account). In the intervening times I've grown accustomed to iTunes, and I tolerate the fact that to have my music in portable MP3 format I have to burn an actual audio CD in iTunes and then rip it back to iTunes in MP3 format because I like the rest of iTunes' setup. Since then I've also discovered a few of Apple's other "piracy prevention" techniques (for example, if I borrow Lane's iPod to take on a trip, my iTunes won't even recognize it until I delete all of Lane's songs off of it; it sees that there's music on the iPod and throws a fit). As I mentioned in my previous post, this all seemed counterintuitive from the major label's perspective because the people they're punishing are the people who are actually honestly paying for the music; people who feel no compunction to pay for the music aren't going to sign up for the service in the first place. Today I read an article that makes Apple look like saints. The article and a more in depth blog maintained by a programmer who prompted the article document Sony BMG's heavy-handed approach to piracy prevention: 1. Sony BMG-brand CDs come equipped with their own stand-alone music player that *has* to be used to play the CD on a computer (the CD will not allow itself to be played on iTunes or any other music player, and the songs cannot be transferred to an iPod). This alone is a reason for me not to buy their CD, since I like having all of my music in one collection; I have no interest in listening to my other 600 (legally purchased) songs in one group and then switch to another program to listen to a single song. The CDs also can only be copied three times. This seems on the surface to be reasonable, but it's *my* music, dammit. I paid for a copy of it, and as long as I'm not selling or giving it away I should be able to do what I want with it. If that means I want to include it on 43 different CD mixes (one for each mood), I should be able to do so. 2. The form of copy protection in 1. is not new, so it raises hackles but not eyebrows. Sony's new approach, however, goes much, much further. Installing the stand-alone music player to play the CD also installs a secret "root kit" onto the computer that security groups have openly declared "spyware." The biggest complaint has been that the program installs a method for "cloaking" programs running on a computer (i.e., they don't show in any diagnostic or file management program) simply by adding the prefix "$sys$" to the name of the file (regardless of what it is). This has allowed Sony to run a secret program on the computers of anyone who has purchased their copy-protected CDs. Now that the secret is out, though, the sloppy way the program was written has allowed viruses and game cheating programs to use the same technique (simply adding "$sys$" to the names of all the files) to make them impossible to detect. This alone has prompted Symantec and other computer security agencies to label the program a serious threat and include it in their antivirus programs. 3. The fact that the program can't even be *seen* means that people running it have no way of knowing it's on their system, let alone that it's the program causing CPU drain or Windows crashes. And the program includes no documentation or uninstall provisions, so even if you *happen* to find it, there was (until a few days ago) no way to remove it. If it was causing computer problems, your only resort was to reinstall Windows. 4. After the blogger pointed it out to the media, and the media questioned Sony about it, Sony reluctantly made a patch available on their Web site that makes the system visible. But it isn't pointed out on their Web site, so the only way to find it is to have seen the news article or the blog entry and follow the links to the specific page on Sony's site. Of course, the patch *only* makes the program visible; it doesn't remove it. If you want to remove it, you have to install an ActiveX program that assigns your computer an ID, e-mail Sony, respond to the e-mail they send you back confirming you want to remove it and then wait for an actual customer representative to contact you with the removal instructions (which work *only* for the computer from which the e-mail was sent). And if you do succeed in uninstalling the program, you can't play the CD anymore. At all. 5. The program is known to communicate with Sony's servers. The third-party company that wrote the software claims it's just to update a banner ad, but Sony itself has denied that the program contacts them (evidence to the contrary aside) and thus privacy groups have expressed concern over just what and how much information the program is sending (it's encrypted, so there's no way to know). In response to all of this, the Department of Homeland Security chastised Sony (without actually mentioning Sony), a class-action lawsuit has been started in California and a group in Italy has requested the Italian government investigate possible criminal violations. Sony has refused to admit any responsibility, and in fact has denied many of the claims even after evidence has been presented. Their standard response has been that they have a right to aggressively prevent media piracy. The blogger has openly suggested (with some justification) that Sony is intentionally making the removal process difficult to frustrate users into giving up and has "hidden" the removal instructions on their Web site such that people who don't see the media reports never hear about this, both of which are just plain underhanded (the implication being that they're intent on pulling this off; they just need to modify the approach). Which all comes back to the original complaints I had against iTunes: all of this is a punishment for people who actually *buy* the CDs. Now not only can one decide between "paying for music" and "pirating music," but one must decide between "paying for music that's going to install secret programs on your computer that open security holes while limiting how you use the music" and "pirating music that has no restrictions." I don't know how this is going to affect Sony's business, but I know that I'm not buying any Sony CDs in the future (iTunes has pretty much locked up my business anyway, but this certainly clinched it). I guess it will depend on whether other people agree. Update: In an amusing twist of irony, it turns out that, although the copy protection prohibits one from ripping MP3 tracks from these CDs, if one renames the ripping program to start with "$sys$", Sony's own copy protection can't see the process and won't interfere. How's that for poor design?
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I Don't Call This Greymatter for Nothin', Ya Know
Wooo, " intellidating." I could pontificate at great length about the social and societal ramifications of such a concept, but I'll spare everyone . . .
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Wednesday, November 9
Voir Dire
Perhaps because my previous week of jury duty had been cut short (due to a case never moving to trial), I was recalled for a second week of jury duty on Monday. Once again I arrived at 8:30 a.m., sat in a packed jury lounge and read a book until the check-in procedures began, then I was assigned to a civil case and spent the next 6 hours in the voir dire (French for "seek the truth," the process by which a jury of 12 is chosen from a pool of 24). I was the ninth person chosen (through a random lottery) and dutifully took a seat in the jury box after stating my name and occupation. Once 21 of us were chosen, we were inspected, quizzed and examined in great detail by the attorneys for both sides. Most of the questions were obvious: "Do you know the parties to the case?" "Do you know the judge?" "Do you know any of the witnesses on this list?" "Have you worked at the location where the incident took place?" Etc. Then came the slightly more obfuscated questions: "Do you feel your life experiences may bias you against doctors in general?" "Do you feel someone who has been sued is guilty until proven innocent?" "Do you feel that this case will tax you emotionally to the point you cannot render a rational decision?" Etc. One woman was excused by the judge because she broke down and cried after learning the facts of the case (from what I gathered, the incident was similar to something that happened to her father) and was replaced from the remaining 3 jurors who hadn't been called. One man was excused because he openly stated that he thought "the entire medical industry was made up of thieves and liars" because of his experiences during treatment for a work injury and he "would automatically decide for the plaintiff because of his bias" (so the lesson here is you can get out of jury duty if you're willing to be firm about being prejudiced). Two women worked for the parent company of the defendant, and the plaintiff's attorney grilled them for, literally, 45 minutes and made three separate motions to excuse them (all three of which were denied, the third followed by a closed door session with an irate judge). Some people were questioned for great lengths of time and some people were hardly questioned at all; I fell somewhere in the middle. I was singled out right at the beginning because, as I offered freely, the company that was the defendant in the case was also a client of my employer, and although I didn't know anything about *that* case, I knew about other cases involving that defendant. I was asked to give a general description of my job, describe the sorts of legal materials I had seen and generalize about how much of the decision-making process and "behind the scenes" information I had (which wasn't a lot, but it was enough that I already knew something about the defendant). Because of that, I wasn't surprised when I was dismissed along with 6 other jurors (bringing the number in the box to 12 plus an alternate). And thus ended my first foray into the courtroom. I would have loved to see the process by which the 12 were chosen, though. Each attorney was allowed to cut three, and they took turns passing a piece of paper back and forth, each writing one name at a time (while the other attorney and his advisors scribbled on the list of our names), until the sheet had six names. I wasn't surprised that I was cut, but I *was* surprised that only *one* of the two women who worked for the defendant's company was cut (considering the plaintiff's attorney moved to have them both excused three times). There were a few humorous moments during the day. After I described what I do, the plaintiff's attorney turned to the defendant's attorney and said "Hey, that's pretty neat. Why don't we have any of those?" to which the defendant's attorney replied "I may look him up after the trial, but for now I'm going to be worried about using the wrong grammar all day." Later, as the judge was preparing to announce the final twelve, he said "If I call your name and you're stricken from the list . . . no, wait, struck . . . stricken . . . if you're struck . . . Mr. Cooper, I'll be very happy when you're no longer in my courtroom. You have me flustered."
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Monday, November 7
Step Right Up, See If I Like You!
So I'm not really planning dying (ever), but given that the law of averages says it's probably going to happen sooner or later (since the mortality rate of the human population, to this point, anyway, is 100%), and since I'm oddly obsessed with being prepared, and since for the first time in my life I actually have what one would call "assets," I figured it's time to make a will. With that in mind, if there's anything of mine that you *absolutely* would like to have, let me know (not that you're likely to get it soon, ya' vultures, but I may consider putting it in my will, if you're nice to me). I'm putting more priority on the living will than the "give all my stuff away" will, but I figured as long as I'm doing one I might as well do the other (and if you don't have a living will yet, you might want to consider one). It never hurts to be prepared.
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Sunday, November 6
One-Man Support Group, Revisted
Discover finally put the article on bra technology up on the Web. Enjoy.
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Me? In a Tie?
I attended the performance of the Paul Taylor Dance Company at the Orpheum tonight (they're on a 50-state tour for the 50th anniversary of the company, and tonight was the only Nebraska stop). It was a spur-of-the-moment decision (I didn't see the advertisement for it until Thursday evening and I didn't order a ticket until Friday night), with the price of the ticket on one hand and the fact that the photography on their site is done by Lois Greenfield (and I have 3 of her prints on my dining room wall . . .) on the other hand. In the end the show won out. It was a beautiful night for it, if you ignore the light rain and the fact that I went to the wrong building to pick up the ticket ( the same company runs both the Orpheum and the Holland Performing Arts Center, and the ticket office for the company is in the latter; unbeknownst to me, on the day of the show they take all purchased-but-unclaimed tickets to the lobby of the Orpheum, so I really confused the poor girl at the desk at the Holland Center who thought I was there for a tour). I splurged for a nice ticket, which put me in the fourth row (although the Orpheum, as gorgeous as the building is, didn't slope their floor enough, so even the fourth row left heads in the way). The performance itself was fantastic. They did three sets with intermissions in between, all modern dance sent to classical music (no words or singing). The first set was set to a string quartet (and I love string quartet music). The second set was my least favorite; it was set to oboe music and had a decidedly "creepy" theme (I think it involved a murder and people in masks who may have been goblins or pissed-off janitors or something). The third set was a very light and fast performance set to a full orchestra. The site said there was no dress code but to treat the theater as a "special event." Not knowing exactly what that meant, I actually wore a tie for the first time in 6 years (although apparently that wasn't a requirement; although there were other men there in ties, most were wearing sweaters or shirts/jackets without ties). And before I wear a tie again I need to buy a better shirt; this one didn't agree with me. I'd like to go to the Nutcracker ballet performance in December, but I also received my car insurance bill today, so I may have to see how finances are then.
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Saturday, November 5
A Picture Is Worth . . . 37 Cents?
If you've ever wanted to have your face on a postage stamp, this is your big chance! Today in the mail I received a present I ordered for Scott and Lisa last week: a sheet of Kyle and Alec postage stamps (yes, they're real stamps). The United States Postal Service has licensed three companies to make custom postage stamps based on users' own photos (with some obvious restrictions; sorry, Jamie, no naked stamps and no celebrities, Cris, so you'll have to pass on Sean Astin stamps). I used Zazzle, since it worked through my Yahoo photo album (and I liked their stamp design best). Now for the catch. They aren't cheap. Stamps with a face value of 37 cents cost about a dollar each (a sheet of 20 came out to around $22). So you probably won't be paying your bills with them, but they're great for baby thank-yous and birthday/Christmas cards. Knock yourselves out. Labels: twins
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Friday, November 4
You Can Tell a Lot About a Man From His Door
My birthday is coming up, so I think all of my friends should pool their money and buy me this front door for my house (just ignore the price tag) . . .
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Wednesday, November 2
Halloween Update
I spent Halloween afternoon and evening providing technical support (in the form of costuming adjustment) and management support (in the form of amusing and caring for two five-month-olds) so that "mom and dad" had their hands free for all of the other myriad activities involved in Halloween. As promised, a picture of Lane the Jedi in all her Force-wielding glory. Also, a small pictorial on "How To Confuse Five-Month-Old Twins" (subtitled "Have three people simultaneously try to induce them to smile"): 1. " Look, mom is making faces at us. She must like our Halloween pajamas." 2. " Wait, so is Jay." 3. " So is dad. What the hell is wrong with these people? Have they already had too much sugar?" Labels: twins
Posted at 4:21:00 AM. |
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Contempt of Court
I spent much of my Halloween in a decidedly non-festive location, serving my first day in a jury pool (although I decided, perhaps wisely, to avoid testing the concept of "contempt of court" by wearing a judge costume to the pool). After some initial trepidation, perhaps one could even say apprehension, about parking, I arrived at the "Hall of Justice" (seriously, that's what it's called; no, the Super Friends don't live there). I set off the metal detector (of course) and was invited to have a 60-year-old gentleman prod me with a black wand for a couple of minutes until they were satisfied that I was simply wearing a jacket with a metal zipper and not any sort of collapsible firearm one could fit in a matchbox. I joined a small group of 7 other early arrivals and nearly fell asleep before a guard opened up the jury "lounge" (basically a room filled with chairs) for us. Other jurors began filtering in and eventually more chairs were brought into a room that contained a notice that the fire code only rated the room for 170 people. At 8:30, we were roused from our comfortable (if close) seating and encouraged to form a line in the hallway in order to check in and be readmitted to the jury lounge. This took another hour, and at 9:30 we were addressed by the guy in charge and told that if we had any objections to serving not listed in the pamphlet (i.e., if you didn't want to be there and hoped you had an excuse that would convince the judge to excuse you) to line up in order to speak with a judge. There was a collective laugh as nearly 40 people stood up. The speaker's assertion that "this might take 10 or 15 minutes" proved wildly inaccurate (let's try "45 minutes" instead) as each person went into a small office, spoke briefly with the judge, and emerged with one of two expressions: complete glee or a combination dejection/irritation. The glee club consisted of only a handful of the line; apparently "I'm really busy" or "there's a sale at Village Pointe today" isn't a viable excuse. The line gave me a chance to listen and observe the slice of humanity so presented. One of my first impressions was that, for a supposedly random assortment, the demographics were substantially skewed. Of roughly 170 people, only 4 or 5 were African American, and less than 20 were under 35. Granted I haven't compared that with the actual demographics of Omaha, so perhaps I shouldn't rush to judgment. There was the usual assortment of colorful characters, of course: the irritated man in the business suit who continued doing business with his portfolio and cell phone whenever the group wasn't being addressed (he had the loudest damn ring I've ever heard); the man in sweat pants, a t-shirt and a mullet; the well-groomed man in an expensive suit with a sheaf of religious pamphlets (a minister, perhaps) who was notable for his single, and very large, diamond earring; the guy who looked like a slightly heavier version of my brother who talked about engine manifolds and the differences between '67 and '68 Dodge Chargers with another guy for an entire hour; the gentleman next to me (who was nice to share his newspaper with me) who predicted we'd all be done and out by 10:30 (yeah, right); the two women in their fifties who made snide comments about everyone else in the room under their breaths (um, we can *hear* you . . .). Eventually those who attempted early escape were mollified or sentenced to hard labor and we returned to a video about the duties of a juror and the elements of a court, and then we spent another hour being divided into groups as our names were called and we walked to the front to retrieve a colored card. These groups were responsible for showing up at different times during the week (the blue group started on Tuesday, the pink group on Wednesday, etc.). My group was slated to start that day, and we were dismissed for lunch with an admonition to return by 1 p.m. I wandered the Old Market for a bit, had lunch at Zio's and took a 20-minute nap on a sun-lit bench in the park near the library before returning to the Hall of Justice. Then we sat around. A lot. The speaker announced that he had a case for us that was set to start at 1:30 p.m., then said there was a half-hour delay. We repeated this twice before he returned to say there were some complications and to be patient. Eventually he returned and said that the defendant had taken a plea bargain and the trial wasn't going forward. :P And that pretty much ended my first big exposure to the court system. I have to check in next Sunday to see if I'm needed for *next* Monday, but so far my jury duty has consisted of a *lot* of sitting around. So much for learning about the nuances of the judicial system.
Posted at 3:23:00 AM. |
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Tuesday, November 1
A Sea of Purple and Silver
I listened to the final game of my baby sister's volleyball season over the Internet tonight (which was, in an instance of technological progression, webcast; I know, I know, to some of us webcasting is not exactly the cutting edge, but given that *all* of the commercials on it were done by one guy with no music or characters, and the webcasting was "sponsored" by "Arnold's Pool Company," you have to cut the rural areas some slack). Her team did well (with the first two games within 2 or 3 points and a comeback third game) before falling in the fourth set. Now she can look forward to *next* year's season. :) Congrats, Haley. P.S. - (Yes, mom, they mentioned her by name on the radio throughout the game. And they mentioned some guy in an eagle mask running along the side of the court, too. We can't afford a full mascot costume?)
Posted at 11:57:00 PM. |
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Time To Ring in the New . . . Month
My favorite holiday of the year has descended in glorious ambiance, and yet again dissipated like so many thin dreams of rattling bones, so one will forgive any slight hint of melancholy woven within the words (and if you won't, you can just bite me). To commemorate the fine month of November (which means " ninth month" in Latin, by the way, despite the fact that it's our eleventh month; the original Roman calendar began in March), I thought we'd kick things off with a small sampling of my aural distractions ("aural," people, not "oral"): Thanks to Cris's recommendations and new fetish, I picked up Regina Spektor (Cris recommended "Us" from " Soviet Kitsch," which is good, but I didn't like the rest of the album; " 11:11," on the other hand, is solid gold). Pandora led me from Regina Spektor to Denali (starting with " Do Something" and "Welcome" and progressing to " Gunner"). iTunes led me from Denali to Dot Allison (pretty much the entire " Afterglow" album). Dot Allison led me to a fan-created iTunes mix of women that included Thea Gilmore's " Down to Nowhere" and " This Girl Is Taking Bets" (now I just need to find a woman who is " a stencil of a brushstroke in the rain" and "the snowfall where the spring should have been"). That's a good summary of this month's inductees into "Jay's Harem of Angsty Female Singers."
Posted at 11:31:00 PM. |
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